A friend of mine is lying in a hospital bed right now with terminal brain cancer. She has sent me several pictures of herself with a shaved head and more tubes coming out of her than possible to count… it is heart wrenching. Her husband of more than 30 years sits next to her, caring for her… hoping for just one more day together. In a blink of an eye their entire world was flipped upside down…literally healthy one day and hospitalized the next. What they would give for their old life back… the life they had just one week ago.

Life is so short. So many of us take each day for granted and we expect the ones that we love to be with us tomorrow. Please remember that there are absolutely no guarantees in our lives. We MUST live for today! If you are struggling in your relationship let us work together and figure out ways that we can improve it now.

Are you communicating with your mate? Communication is vital. Tell your spouse or partner your greatest fears, your wildest dreams, and your greatest memories. Communicate about everything from your daily activities to huge life changing decisions…keep your partner in the loop constantly. Even the most mundane things are important to convey. I know couples who have no idea what is going on in each other’s lives. In fact, I have a friend who never knows where her husband is… and she does not care. That is not right! Tell your spouse what your day entails; include your partner in daily decisions, allow your mate to feel involved in every aspect of your life. You are a team…partners…talk to each other constantly and listen intently when your spouse speaks to you.

Is your sex life AMAZING? If not…fix it. Sex is fun and exciting! Do not think that married sex has to be dull and boring. Every day is a new day to discover something different about your lover. Play the A and B game during foreplay….ask your partner, “what do you like better A…. or B”. Believe me… your partner will love this game! Take candlelit baths, have a naked movie night, cook dinner in your birthday suits… the kids can enjoy an evening with Grandma and you can fall in lust all over again. Make love making new again… ask a friend to take your kids to the park and greet your husband after work wearing only his tie… and a big smile. Do not be afraid to communicate with your spouse when it comes to sex… if you are not enjoying your sex life to the fullest do not blame hormones or the children… connect with your spouse…experiment and have a blast!

Are you kind and respectful to your partner? I have said this before but so many people are actually kinder to complete strangers than they are to their own spouse. This is not right! You must be kind and considerate to your mate. Think of ways to be nice each day: write a love note, clean out your spouse’s car, put your lover’s towel in the dryer while they are in the shower so that it is toasty warm when they get out. Little things say so much! Think how good it would feel if your mate wrote you a beautiful love note making it crystal clear exactly why they love you. It would make you feel so special. I encourage you to write your lover this type of note and ask for one in return. I think you will be thrilled and surprised beyond words by their thoughts. Make sure that you tell your partner nice things constantly. Give respect and demand it in return.

To be in love is amazing…do not take your love for granted. Please live life for today. Have fun with your partner… do today what you have been putting off. Take that vacation, go for that picnic, and make up about that silly fight. Every couple has outside issues: family feuds, work problems, step children drama, money troubles… agree to disagree on these issues and make time for yourselves. You and your partner matter more than issues and fuss. Do not make mountains over mole hills… keep in mind that love can conquer all as long as you stay on the same team and work together. You are important… your partner is important… your relationship is important… when you come to the end of your life do not have regrets. Do something amazing RIGHT NOW to improve your relationship… you are worth it!

Why are you contemplating divorce? I want you to be completely honest with yourself. It is just you and me sitting here… no one else has to know. Was your spouse unfaithful? Were you unfaithful? Is someone hurting you physically? Are you in a rut? Are you simply falling out of love? I will be honest with you… I have zero tolerance for infidelity and abuse….zero! But that is just me and we are talking about you so let’s work through this.

If someone has been unfaithful to you I am very sorry. Being cheated on by the person whom you love most is completely unfair and unbelievably selfish on their part. You must decide if you are strong enough to leave or if you are willing to give them another chance. If you choose to stay you MUST forgive and more importantly FORGET. You can not fool yourself into thinking that you can have a healthy relationship if your mates’ infidelity is stuck in your head…even if it is way in the back of your head. His or her indiscretion has to be erased from your memory…period. You can not have a successful union if you continue to pout or make digs at your partner. You must have complete trust in your partner…as if the event never happened. If there is no trust…there is no relationship.

If you have been cheated on please remember that you are the victim. Do not let your partner turn the tables on you and make you feel guilty about their mistake. You did absolutely nothing wrong. They chose to stray and nothing that you did made their decision any easier. This is their flaw not yours. It is very difficult not to feel shattered if you have been cheated on. Think long and hard if you are willing to completely trust that person again and fully move on as if it never happened. It is a lot easier said than done. You are a very special person who was created to be treasured and please do not let anyone tell you otherwise!

If you are thinking of cheating on your spouse DO NOT DO IT! I know marriage is hard. I know that it is easy to feel unappreciated and to feel disappointed over and over again by your spouse. Maybe your husband is unaffectionate or your wife spends more time being a mother than a wife but those are not reasons to cheat. Those are reasons to communicate with your mate. Learning to communicate is both fun and rewarding and it will completely change your relationship.

When I say communicate I mean in every sense of the word. You need to converse with your spouse…’how was your day?’, ‘what sounds good for dinner?’, ‘guess what happened today?’, ‘have you talked to your friend john lately?… ask questions and genuinely have interest in your loved ones day. You also need to connect with your spouse…really connect. In order to do so you must be open and honest. If you are unhappy in the bedroom do not be too embarrassed to share that with your mate. Sex in marriage is important and exciting and fun IF you are enjoying it. Gently tell your mate what you like and do not like sexually. Be open to their comments as well. Agree to explore and discover each other all over again. People change. Likes and dislikes change. Do not expect someone to be a mind reader… show your partner what makes you happy. ASK them what they like. It is so awesome when the connection is made and the two of you are on the same page.

Make communication fun. Leave sexy notes on his or her steering wheel. Write something sweet and stick it on the bathroom mirror. The smallest love note can make your spouse feel amazing and alive. A little bit of thought and kindness can go a long way. If you have problems sharing your feelings with your mate verbally, write your feelings in a letter and give it to him or her. This is a perfect way to open the lines of communication. So many couples assume what their mate is thinking and so many couples are wrong. Do not try to read your mate, do not try to guess what they are thinking, do not presume that their actions are the same as their thoughts…TALK.

Are you in a rut? Get out of it! So many people put time and effort into affairs and indiscretions yet they never think to put the same amount of energy into their marriage. People stray because they think they have made a special connection with someone new who makes them feel important. Everything seems so exciting and fresh and euphoric with this new person. Please understand that you can feel the exact same way with your current mate. Think of ways that he or she can make you feel extraordinary and work on it together. Treat your mate with a new sense of kindness and respect and see the response you get in return. Set up a new course of action to improve your relationship together. You are a team…a winning team. Express yourself, undertake critiques and criticisms and make changes, take every day as an opportunity to be a better spouse.

Make your relationship fun. Do silly things. Talk about your fondest memories and your wildest dreams. Women may find this easier than men but you can do it… take small steps to make big changes. Send the kids to grandma’s house and enjoy a candlelit bath together. Play games. Do a blind Coke/Pepsi taste test. Laugh. Sit on the hood of your car right in the driveway and stare at the stars. Climb to the top of a mountain and make out. Give each other a five minute massage. Have naked movie night. Call a babysitter and go have a picnic in the park. Do something fun with the kids and have fun as a family again. Go ice skating. Hold hands.

Don’t you see that life is short? Life as you know it could be turned upside down tomorrow. You once loved your spouse so much that you walked down an aisle with them in front of friends and family and professed your love to them before God. You are a team. So many people want what you have. Please do not throw it all away because you lust after someone else or because you have simply grown apart. Take a chance on your own spouse. Fall in love again. Put time and effort into THIS relationship. Get out of that rut. Think of something fun right now that you could surprise your mate with TONIGHT. Write a love note and stick it in the pocket of the pants your mate will wear tomorrow…even if it just says, ‘let’s start over’ or ‘what is your wildest dream?’ I know that you will succeed at this. The fact that you are reading this tells me that you want your relationship to work. It can…it will!

I have received so many lovely and encouraging comments about my posts and to those of you who have taken the time to write me I want to thank you so much! It means the world to me that you are visiting my website and that my articles are helping you. In this world so many people take the time to write about a negative experience… it is so refreshing and so kind of you to write such complementary and positive things about my site. I really appreciate it…thank you!

I am so sorry that you are looking for ways to save your relationship. There is nothing more miserable than feeling down due to a broken heart. Together we are going to focus on the good in your union and learn a whole new way of thinking and living. Together we WILL save your relationship… I am proud of you and excited that you are willing to put some effort into a relationship that is important to you. Below are three ways to introduce positive thinking into your life… you will succeed! Now let’s get to work…

1. I know when my relationship had hit rock bottom I insisted on surrounding myself with others who were dejected and disheartened as well…. I found some type of comfort in being with gloomy people. Just the thought of being around a happy, cheery person made my stomach sick. I do NOT want that for you! I want you to find comfort in people who WERE down and have found their way back to their peak. Please know that you may feel defeated right now but you will rise again! As difficult as it may seem, surround yourself with optimistic and upbeat friends and family… even strangers. It may feel good to hang out with people who are down in the dumps like you but it is only a temporary fix and will hurt you in the long run. Do not allow negative people to give you advice… negativity breeds negativity. Find positive people to advise you. Encourage positive people to bring you up. Do not sink to any low levels… you are a winner and winners finish at the top.

2. Do not bog yourself down with negative thinking about your relationship. I KNOW that it is easier to think pessimistically when you are feeling sad but it will not benefit you in any way. Do not even entertain one negative thought… period! Even the tiniest unconstructive thought can take root in your brain and cause your emotions to go haywire! You control your emotions… they do not control you. Your relationship can get better… it will get better. Do productive things that will improve your union… communicate with your partner every single day. Do nice things for your mate. You can do something big… plan a weekend trip or something small… put your mates’ towel in the dryer while they are in the shower so that it is toasty warm when they get out. Thoughtfulness is so sexy. Every single time a negative thought pops into your head think of something thoughtful that you can do for your mate instead.

3. It is imperative that you think only positive things when you think about or view yourself. Do you know that you were created to look EXACTLY the way you do right now? It is not an accident that you have that hair, those thighs, that nose, those boobs or that belly. Be proud of your imperfections! Flaws are awesome! They make you…you. Why would you want to look like anyone else? Do not let someone else’s beauty standard tell you how you should look. You were designed to be the person whom you are today. Be proud of yourself! There is no one in the world who is just like you… you are special… you are unique… you are absolutely amazing! Do not compare yourself with anyone else. Who cares what your neighbor looks like?!?!… they are not YOU. There is nothing sexier than confidence. Having confidence in yourself will improve your relationship beyond words. Your partner is so blessed to have you… do not ever forget that. Stand tall… speak assertively… you are perfect just the way you are!

Please remember that in any relationship it is important to give respect and demand it back. Be nice. Be loving and loveable. Expect good things. Do not accept anything but the best for yourself or your partner. You deserve a strong, healthy relationship. Remember that you are no one’s door mat! Do not allow anyone to cheat on you or put their hands on you… you are too good for that. Please do not cheat on your mate. If you are thinking about it… STOP! It is selfish and unfair. Put the time and effort that would go into an affair into your current relationship. Fall in love all over again with your spouse. You can have the relationship of your dreams…believe it!